Close this search box.

for love notes, affirmations, launch announcements etc.

Fill in the boxes that represent your information love languages.

By signing up, you acknowledge that you are over 16.* 

Like love notes?

We don’t do spam, just tips on how to get sexier.

    By signing up, you acknowledge that you are over 16.*


    4 MIN READ

    What are sex languages?

    Exploring your erotic blueprint.

    By now, I’m sure we’ve all heard of love languages – the five ways we desire and give love. But have you heard of sex languages? Or rather, your erotic blueprint?

    I stumbled across this phenomenon while watching Sex, Love and Goop on Netflix. I wish I could say that I reject mindless consumerism enough to boycott Goop and their $80 rose quartz vagina egg, but I’m obsessed.

    Their show introduces the concept of erotic blueprints as the roadmap to ultimate sexual pleasure which was enough to have me at least intrigued. Whether you’ve dabbled in a variety of different kinks, had a wide range of sexual rendezvous or scrolled through your favourite ethical porn categories, each experience has been a part of your journey to discover exactly what turns you on. But while everyone’s desires are different, award-winning somatic sexologist Jaiya, has discovered that we can all fit into one of five erotic blueprints.



    The sensual type

    Those who identify with this type are turned on when all their senses are being stimulated. They love bringing multiple layers into their sexual experiences and as such, they’re huge fans of aphrodisiacs

    These people enjoy the fine things in life and truly indulge. They’re the people who wear beautiful textiles, are engulfed by gorgeous perfume and savour each bite of food. This lust for life and desire for aesthetic perfection is mirrored in the bedroom, where they expect nothing less than mood lighting, a burning scented candle, rose pelts scattered around the room and a glass of bubbly and a cigarette for later.

    Their superpower is being able to have a wide range of orgasms, whereas their shadow, is getting caught in their head. If everything isn’t perfect, they can lose their vibe and get distracted. They care a lot about the presentation and experience of sexual play and want it to be everything they desire. When something impacts that, it can distract them from the erotic experience.

    The energetic type

    These people are turned on by one thing… anticipation. Energetic types feel more in the lead up to the kiss than perhaps even the kiss itself. They’re very sensitive so it doesn’t take too much to turn them on. They’re also the prime candidates for orgasms that don’t require any physical touch.

    However, considering even the smallest anticipation can be enough to start an energetic type, they do run the risk of short-circuiting and disassociating if they’re hit with too much sexual stimulation too quickly.

    The sexual type

    Sexual types are turned on by what society deems to be the norm – nudity, penetration, orgasms and genitals. They tend to be extremely sensitive which means their superpower is that they can be turned on very easily. These types are visually orientated and have an appreciation of the naked body.

    Considering this, they tend to be very direct when it comes to sex, believing that sex only involves the genitals, penetration and as such, they can sometimes fail to understand other erotic blueprints. This can mean that sexual types tend to be a somewhat limited idea of the sexual experience and sometimes believe that an orgasm is the end goal, not understanding why others might want ‘more’ out of their sexual experiences.

    The kinky type

    This type is for those who are turned on by things that they ‘shouldn’t be’, essentially anything they think is taboo. This type can be split into a psychological kink or a physical kink. Psychological kinks can be in the form of power dynamics, whereas sensation-based kinks are things like chains and whips. It’s important to note that one person’s idea of kinky can be different to another and this type refers to all types of kinks. The kinky types are creative and are pinnacle in dismantling shame in sexual play.

    On the flip side, the kinky type’s shadow is that they can be ashamed of what they’re into because they’re turned on by what they find taboo. This can prevent them from fully enjoying the sexual experiences that they’re involved in. While for some, the shame can be a part of the turn on, but for others, it can negatively affect their spirit and performance.

    The shapeshifter type

    The shapeshifter type is the avatar of the erotic blueprint world – someone who is turned on by everything, the sensual, sexual, kinky and energetic types. This means they can be sexual compatible with anyone quite fast and can be turned on by anyone.

    Shapeshifters change to suit the erotic blueprints of others, which can sometimes leave them feeling hungry for more. Often left feeling a bit isolated, they can either search for intimacy from others or retreat.

    When you get to know yourself and your body, you can start to understand your sexuality which only heightens your sexual experiences. The best part about these sex languages is, they’re all compatible. If you and your partner/s speak differently, you can still communicate and have amazing conversations. A kinky type and a sensual type can still have mind-blowing sexual experiences, just the same as two sensual types for example.

    Plus, finding out your erotic blueprint can be a great way to open communication about what you’re interested in, what turns you on or what you’re wanting to try out. To find out which type you are, you can take the quiz here.