The trick to getting women off.

So you claim to be good at sex. I hate to be the one to break it to you but you may have just got lucky once, twice maybe even a couple of times. Whilst the concept of reaching a peak pivotal orgasm seems somewhat easy, let me tell you there is a whole lot of science behind it all. 

This thread is specifically aimed at those who claim to be the master at making their sexual partner orgasm. In some sense, yes, their statement could be correct. That is, presuming that they have taken the time to fully understand their partners sexual desires, boundaries, turn on, and most importantly turn-offs. But for those who have claimed they  know the trick to making a female cum, this is for you. Listen closely. 

Before I start, I also wanted to state that there is no single word that encompasses the whole of the female sex organ. I am made aware of the whole uproar based around the medically correct termination used to describe certain parts of the downstairs female anatomy. So for now when I refer to the ‘vagina’ I’m referring to it all as a whole; from the vulva, the clitoris through to the cervix. Deepest apologies if this offends anyone, I will try to encourage the correct medical terminology. 

Whilst we all are probably already aware of the complexity of female anatomy, things are about to get a whole lot more difficult. I can confirm this pioneering information was definitely left out  of Australias sex-ed curriclum. Ladies and gents, welcome to the new and improved biology class.

Like every part of the body, no two vaginas are the same. Each and every is as complex as the one before. Let’s delve into figures for a minute just to elaborate on the extreme sensitivity of the female sexual organ. 

There are said to be over 8000 nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris alone. That is double the amount of nerves contained in a penis. With the rest of a women’s pelvic having another 15000 other nerve endings to account for. So, ladies, the truth is out. We feel twice as much as men do when it comes to sexual arousal.  

Anatomy aside, both men and women experience pleasure throughout different zones of their bodies. This is what we refer to as ‘erogenous zones’ both genital and non-genital. These are simply defined as regions of a persons body that when stimulated increase blood flow\ nerve sensitivity and elicit somewhat of a sexual response. We are educated from a young age about the obvious pleasurable zones; that being the vagina and\or penis, anus, or nipples but depending on the individual, these hot spots vary. The human body is pretty much one giant erogenous zone with literally thousands of nerve endings just waiting to be tampered with, tickled, and touched. This brings up an important key factor to interpersonal sexual experience; communicate with your partner on what gets you off. 

So where have we gone wrong all these years?

I wanted to point out two societal problems that have led to female sexual oppression when it comes to orgasms.

The first being the traditional pornographic model of intercourse; that being fast, straight-to-the-point-jack-hammering sex. Sex that only focuses on one or two areas of the female androgynous zone. To many, pornography is the first little insight into the mechanics of sex, and that is simply terrifying. It is reported that over 95% of pornography depicts some form of violence against women; educating our youth of this sort of sexual behaviours is nothing short of wrong. If we were to base our sexual model of intimacy and pleasure around pornography we would be living in a world of unstimulated and mediocre sex (putting aside those who are into hard-core heavy BDSM of course – no judgment we all have our kinks). 

Secondly, us females are not taught about the power our voice has in creating an equally shared sexual experience. According to Sexologist Esther Perel  culture & upbringing  has a lot to play in it; us as females are expected to cum within a certain time frame, we are expected to be submissive and feminine, we should taste a certain way, our moans & groans should be of a harmonious tune, and our bodies; god forbid if our bush is an inch too long or our nipples don’t look like the ones of porn stars in magazines. With all of this to account for, is it any wonder that females are often too scared to speak up during sex. 

I stumbled across this important and somewhat life-changing piece of information in Naomi Wolf’s book ‘Vagina’ – a brilliant informative fact-based novel that I encourage everyone to read, regardless of gender and sexual orientation. Naomi is an American author\journalist who after a spinal injury incident decided to explore the brain-body connection in female sexuality. 

 “…for women, sexual response involves entering an altered state of consciousness.”

Naomi explores the intricate connection between sex and the brain. In this, our nervous system is the complex wiring that acts as the communicator between both functions. Our brains are said to be the ultimate sexual organ working alongside the nervous system, in which they are responsible for controlling stimulation, arousal, comfort, and control. In order to reach this altered state of consciousness, a woman will place herself in a complete state of vulnerability. It is critical for a female to feel safe and comfortable in her surroundings and with her sexual partner in order to reach this desired state. 

During and post-sex our brains are responsible for the realises of hormones dopamine and oxytocin. Both of which provide a positive response to our altered state, body function and are said to lower our levels of stress and anxiety. In the simplest of terms; outstanding-well-rounded-orgasmic sex equals a complete euphoric response. 

So, before you go around claiming the titled trophy of a sex god, take some time to understand the complexity of female arousal. Ask your partner what it is that turns them on and explore their body in a sensitive manner. Talking about what you want in bed should be as easy as ordering you’re morning coffee. You are not Rocco Siffredi, nor are you competing in a 100m sprint to the finish line. Your goal is to make sex as comfortable and pleasurable between both you and your partner, vice versa.