The masculinity files: the new world 

“I would say I’m a feminist. So many people hold the word differently and it means different things to them, but I think it is about creating an environment we can all share in a healthy way. I think we should be addressing the problems of sexism and how that’s affected our world and creating more open conversations, where we can share more. Masculinity and femininity are shared because every human being shares both of those traits. There shouldn’t even be a binary between the two. And that’s what I feel being active for our rights with feminism does. It meshes those traits together, because, whether they like it or not, everyone needs room for both their masculine and feminine selves”- Juna

There is so much averting our focus away from ourselves. There seems to be a certain loudness to the white noise, that makes the outside world seem more urgent. With the elections, the racial epidemic the world has only just decided to acknowledge, the COVID pandemic that we’re all still confused by, figuring it out is something no-one is qualified enough for, yet.

Through delving into the masculine mind in part 1 and part 2 of the Masculinity files, we have come to understand how questions give people permission to be who they are. What we want to know is, what kind of world lies ahead if we continued to delve into questioning how legitimate the gender binary is? How can we find ultimate strength in the masculine? How can we find ultimate strength in the feminine? And how can the two exist alongside each other in an encouraging and expansive world? Where a man is no longer a man, and a female no longer a female. But where beings self-assemble their identity based on what they need to flourish from a pool of traits.

If it sounds scary, good. We’ve got ways to go. In the final instalment of the Masculinity series, we pose some similarly intimidating questions to our brave 4, and realise we may not be as far away from utopia as we previously assumed.

Maybe only just one world away, instead.

THERE’S A LOT OF CONVERSATIONS GOING ON ABOUT RACE, ABOUT SEXUALITY, ABOUT WOMEN RECLAIMING THEIR POWER, ABOUT ABUSIVE MEN LOSING THEIRS- HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT ALL?

J: Oh, yeah, of course. It’s everywhere, so it’s hard not to think about it. I’m all for having the hard conversations. People need to be put in their place if they are mistreating others. It’s that same kind of respect that I was talking about earlier. There has been a huge issue in the world of people being undermined and treated poorly just because they’re women. And I’m all for reclaiming that power and the equality that comes with it. It’s a real issue that a lot of my girl friends face as well with the discrimination and cat calling. And there’s people out there that just don’t have that education that they really need. So many people feel lost and alone and don’t feel comfortable talking about their feelings. But, if they see more people being open, they might realise that we’re all learning and we are all growing. We all are just figuring out what the point of life is and all we can do is support ourselves by allowing ourselves to take comfort in the process.

Angus: Yeah 100%, I definitely feel a change but with all this change comes the potential for anarchy if not done in the correct way. While I’m feeling positive about the change happening, sometimes I get really worried that it’ll all blow up on itself. I would want nothing more for everyone to be viewed equally and feel “normal”, but with each social issue there comes extremes on both sides. It’s a matter of combating those extremes so they don’t exist, and finding a central view to move forward with.

Tobey: Well I feel like I’m at a point where I’m helpless in some ways. I don’t feel like my understanding of these things necessarily helps anyone either. Obviously I think its fucking disgusting some of the shit that is going on, but I don’t want to go out of my way to push my perspectives on anyone. At the end of the day, I don’t feel like I understand really, or will be understood properly.

Juna: It overwhelms me every day of my life. I enjoy thinking about these things and I enjoy talking about them. I’ve found a really big passion in wanting to make an impact in the world but I hate the state of the world at the moment. There’s so much deception and confusion and everywhere we look, we are constantly fed this fear and misinformation. All we want as human beings is to find truth. With all the issues around the world at the moment, the biggest thing is finding the truth. Like… where the fuck is the truth? I recently had such a tipping point with our Western governments and the people that reside within them. I feel like there’s a lot of power plays and emotional tests set deliberately, and we have to pick up the remnants of whoever has caused all this havoc. Despite that, I have come to the conclusion every night before bed that I have hope for this planet and for humans. I choose to see the positivity and support that and encourage that. But we do have to see the negatives so we can create a better future.

WHAT ARE THE FIRST WORDS THAT COME TO MIND WHEN I SAY THE WORD “FEMINISM”?

J: Equality. Power. Fuck yeah. I’m down, I’m a feminist. I’m all for the girls. I see nothing wrong with it. There’s so many different people out there, every single cause has its extremists. At the centre of it, I’m so glad that there is this word and there is this conversation around it. I don’t equate feminism with extremists. I see it as a movement and as a word and as a symbol of reclaiming equal power— that feeling of belonging and just reclaiming respect.

Angus: It’s a good idea for men and women to be viewed the exact same. I’m all for men and women being equal. it’s just when there are extremes, like when certain people are allowed to voice their opinions on social media, that twist the message in a way that isn’t actually feminism and isn’t actually equality. That is what I don’t necessarily agree with.

Tobey: I think it’s about understanding, and that can be in both good and bad ways. There’s a lot of people preaching feminism in a good way, and there’s a lot of people preaching it poorly. It’s a controversial word as there’s such a diverse set of perspectives about what it actually means.

Juna: Brave. There’s so many different forms of feminism and ways of viewing feminism and I think its brave to hold that label of being a feminist. I would say I’m a feminist. So many people hold the word differently and it means different things to them, but I think it is about creating an environment we can all share in a healthy way. I think we should be addressing the problems of sexism and how that’s affected our world and creating more open conversations, where we can share more. Masculinity and femininity are shared because every human being shares both of those traits. There shouldn’t even be a binary between the two. And that’s what I feel being active for our rights with feminism does. It meshes those traits together, because, whether they like it or not, everyone needs room for both their masculine and feminine selves.

IF A WOMAN IN YOUR LIFE ASKED YOU TO MAKE HER FEEL EMPOWERED, WOULD YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? 

J: I mean, I feel like everyone has a different sense of what it feels to be empowered. Can I return the question?

Sophie: Yes

J: What would make you feel empowered?

Sophie: You know, what’s really funny is that I don’t have an answer for you off the top of my head. And I think that’s kind of what I’m realising as a woman is that we don’t actually know what empowerment looks like all the time… Say if I’m surrounded by my male friends and something happened that isn’t respectful, I’d like to think that they would advocate for me in that situation and not just turn a blind eye. That’s at the most extreme level. On a basic, everyday level, empowerment is being made to feel like my thoughts, feelings and emotions are valid, and should have space at a table.

J: That’s where communication comes into play as well. From my experience, a lot of my friends are still very embarrassed of their feelings and don’t like talking about them. And I think that because of that, they find it hard to connect with the other boys on a deeper level. When they are with their girl friends, they feel a little more comfortable to be sensitive, and they can kind of talk more freely. I feel like that is a big reason as to why I have always had a lot of girlfriends in my life. In high school, my two best friends were girls and I felt really comfortable talking to them about my feelings. I just didn’t find that same comfort when I was talking to the boys. I’ve had plenty of run-ins where I’ve had to stand up for my girlfriends on that extreme level to make them feel comfortable and safe. So if that’s what it means to empower a woman then I think I would know how in that sense. I also would know how to be there for them if they wanted to have a conversation about something that they needed to talk about. It’s not a one way street for me. I am aware that a lot of guys treat girls like their therapists because that’s the only person they feel like they can talk to. I’m an advocate for being there for other people in general. If someone wants to talk, I’m always there to listen and I’m there to give them advice if they need, or just sit there with them, you know?

Sophie: That’s very interesting looking at the relationships that we seek out in a cross-gendered therapeutic sense. I think it’s potentially more valuable to have someone of the opposite gender or someone who’s in a different identity landscape to you, being able to hear you and really see you.

J: You can bounce ideas off each other and you can see from their perspective that ‘Maybe I was looking at that differently’ or ‘Maybe, I was overreacting’ or, just kind of second guess yourself, which I think is important. Question everything. That’s how I get my answers. Because I’m 100% certain that everything I know is something I’ve come to the conclusion to on my own.

Angus: Yes, I think I could but I’d have to know the woman. I’d support her to do something she enjoys or is good at, so then she feels like she has value within herself.

Tobey: I don’t ever want to be perceived like I’m not empowering towards a woman. And if I ever wasn’t, I’d happily be pulled up on it. I don’t feel like that’s the way women are always treated, but they should be.

Juna: Yes, I guess we’re learning more and more ways to empower women, but for me I would sit down and listen to her struggle and listen to what she’s battling. Also by being authentically me, usually perceived as a man, even just by spending time with this person, can give them hope that all men aren’t shit. Healthy behaviour does exist. Freedom does exist.

IF YOU COULD SEE THE ENTIRE WORLD’S ANSWER TO ONE QUESTION, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

J: I’ve got so many questions going through my mind right now. How do you see yourself? What do you think of yourself? I feel like a lot of people have very negative thoughts about themselves, and that’s where anxiety, depression and just uncomfortableness in general stem from. I’ve gone through hundreds and hundreds of days stuck in those kind of thoughts. And it’s pretty comforting to know that you’re not in it alone. If the whole world gives an answer like that, then I’d be pretty grateful to hear that. Everyone’s going through something, and I do know that, but it’s more of a reassurance thing.

Angus: Are you happy with the world?

Tobey: What makes you happy? What brings you happiness? What brings you down?

Juna: Woah. Well, I feel the answer of the meaning of life doesn’t exist, so that’s out of the question. I’d probably ask a question related to something that needs to be uncovered today. I’d probably ask, “What’s the truth?”. I’m asking the world to reveal itself, basically. There’s people who can and are working on it as we speak, uncovering these issues, I’d like to do more to help that.

WHAT PIECE OF ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF ABOUT SEX/IDENTITY/COMING-OF-AGE ETC.?

J: Quit annoying everyone else *laughs*. Discipline yourself. Structure and discipline give you the freedom to have more time and space in your mind. Also, it’s never not okay to ask for help. But, you do need to choose those people you ask, because some people don’t have your best interests at heart.

Angus: Keep your mind open, anything is possible.

Tobey: Be confident with what you believe in but understand that you don’t really know anything. Learn how to be a better person from where you stand, at any given time.

Juna: I could write a really big essay but I’d just be like: No-one gives an absolute shit about you or anything you do, so everything you say and everything you do, just do it, no-one’s going to give a fuck. I’d say a lot of things about drugs and substance abuse and give myself a pep talk about that, too. But simply put, be careful, do the research, and find out what these things are doing to your brain before you take them.

A special thanks to our incredible panellists Juna, Tobey, Angus and J.