I want you to want me

We live in a world in which flirting is turned externally. It Is anchored in our biological system: we desire to embody the position of the object of desire. But what if you could entertain that little game with yourself?

STEP 1: IN DETACHMENT THERE’S POWER, SO OWN YOUR POWER BACK!

Believe it or not, you actually become sexier when you start caring less about receiving external validation. That said, it’s not easy to switch “off” the want to feel wanted!

They say who controls attention has the power. Well, there’s a lot of truth in that. Unhealed trauma and lack of attention from a parent are two underlying reasons people commonly engage in attention-seeking tendencies. Depending on the depth of your addiction to attention, you might be overly-focused on chasing external validation. But this also leaves you at the mercy of people-pleasing, where your behaviour mirrors what X wants you to be. Excitement, then, is not coming from your perception but [insert name here’s].

Breaking this illusion you are clinging to so tightly takes courage. You can’t achieve this while someone’s stealing your inner power. A sense of truth can be gained through an open discussion with yourself: how much is your behaviour turned outward? Why do you need people to care about your moves? What are you trying to distract yourself from? What lies underneath this fear of boredom? What could you possibly learn if you dealt with the uncomfortable?

I also believe that, when we are obsessed with embodying the « object of desire » posture, we lose our grasp on our authentic self. When I was a teenager, I used to associate a sense of self with my ability to gather male attention. Lack of self-love had me being controlled by my shadows. Deep down I knew that I couldn’t be complete if I kept chasing excitement, love, and acceptance outward.

“The more I resisted the temptation to obtain X’s attention, the more I could make some space for mine. Going against this natural urge was uncomfortable. Then it brought me to another perspective: the possibility to be my own object of desire.”

Answering those questions was painful to me, and answers often came out messily. It didn’t always make sense at first. Or maybe, was it that the truth was hard to accept? But the only way to take on that self-love journey was to start here. After all, I learned a bunch of stuff on attention-seeking behaviour and I started to sit with the uncomfortable, where I FINALLY met myself. Only once I explored the spectrum of these questions, could I grasp the depth of my soul.

The more I resisted the temptation to obtain X’s attention, the more I could make some space for mine. Going against this natural urge was uncomfortable. Then it brought me to another perspective: the possibility to be my own object of desire.

STEP 2: GET INTO THE DESIRE LAND CARE, BITCHES!

There’s a mystic world called Desire Land and it’s time you let yourself explore it.

Dancing has been known for many centuries, as a means to channel energy and set intentions. In fact, within certain African cultures, Asian and First Nations communities, dancing is often a crucial part of ritual and traditional ceremonies. I suspect that these populations anticipated the power of dancing far before western countries. But what is very interesting for us in dancing, is the possibility to cultivate that body awareness. Feel what your body has to tell you, feel how much sensuality pumps in your veins. It doesn’t matter that you know how to dance or not. What matters is to feel good.

Then the game begins. The more you let the music penetrate you, the more you cultivate sensual energy. There, you have to keep dancing like your crush was staring at you. Except there is only you. Imagine that you can duplicate yourself. You are there, in the corner of the room. Staring at that amazing body of yours as if you were stargazing. Imagine if this double you could touch you…

This world is yours when you navigate around your sense of excitement.

You have the power to make your presence special.

Dancing is where I feel the most connected to my sensuality and my sense of self. On the dance floor, I feel so complete. I don’t think and everything flows to me. I don’t try to align my vibrations on those of someone else, I work on raising my own. I feel confident. I don’t adjust. On the contrary, I expand.

Flirting with myself has been a state of mind that I’ve even taken out of the dance floor. It’s that inner sense of love, excitement. It’s the little things like complimenting myself on a daily life basis. Being in constant flow. Radiating sexiness my way, for myself.

Whatever makes you feel complete and sexy works.